I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
