Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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