I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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