get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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