She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
