We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
