Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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