i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
