wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
