we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
