i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
