i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
