apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
