Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
