So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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