Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
