I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
