i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
