Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
