Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
