I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
