my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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