How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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