yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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