having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
