Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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