Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
