Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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