I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
