dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
In America we eat man semen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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