I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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