so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
