How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
