just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
