my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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