STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
