i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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