Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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