I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
