So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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