honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
