Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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