I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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