Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
