porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
