Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
