could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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