Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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