I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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