What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
