i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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