wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
