I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
