Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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