Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
