Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
