Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
