I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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