I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
