Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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