is your mom at the bar?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
