Non-Jews are for practice
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
