walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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