Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
