I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
