I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
