Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
