I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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