well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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