At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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