Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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