"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
