We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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