I must be too annoying 4 u.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
