Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
