dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You made out with two different species that night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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